This is my first attempt at a MSTing, so don't expect too much. The characters
riffing the story are from my story/IAQ/RPG Pain. This story was written by me
3 years ago, and don't ask me what I was thinking when I wrote it. Anyways on
with the show. There’s no intro sequence because the MSTing is fairly long as
it is and I’m sure most of you are already familiar with the characters.
Episode I: The MSTing of Scimitar of Maldagin Part 1
(This story is based 15 years after the defeat of Sephiroth.
It starts out in a throne room in another dimension.)
Jett: Translation done by Saban.
(Man: The gateway to city known as Midgar is almost completed.)
Isabella: If one can call a pile of a rubble a city.
(Man 2: Good work, how did you complete the work on the gateway, so fast Sir
Calabados)
Jett: I got...William Shatner...to help... us.
(Calabados: I sent to two of my best spies to scope out the planet.
Man 2: I trust there will be no failures in our plan to take control of Midgar.)
Jett: We might have some trouble with Valhalla though.
(Calbados: Yes, I will suceed with our plans, Master Maldagin.
Maldagin: You better, or you will not live to see your 75,000th birthday.
Calbados: I promise, Vonus and Daylaripa have never failed us before.)
Isabella: Mainly because stupid people have all the luck.
(Maldagin: There better not be a first time.)
Juan as Maldagain: I want to die a virgin.
(::a woman walks into the throne room::)
Isabella: How come this written like a bad roleplaying session?
(Woman: The training of our soldiers is almost complete.
Maldagin: How many soldiers do we currently have in our power?
Women: Almost 1 million.)
Jett: Better build some more Hands of Nod then.
(Maldagin: Nice job, Commander Jinmea.)
Juan: Yeah, wink wink, nudge nudge.
(Jinmea: Our recruit missions have been sucessful so far.)
Jett: They haven't been successful though.
(Maldagin: Well, when you have 31 other dimensions under control finding people
who still still resist us, is hard
Juan: Along with many other things.
(::Meanwhile in Midgar, Vonus and Daylaripa are searching for anyone who might
be powerful to slow down the progress of their mission::)
Isabella: Which means just about anyone.
(Vonus: This city is huge, it will take us a couple of days just to finish work
spying in this sector, and there's 6 more after this one.
Daylaripa: Quiet, I keep hearing from these people about this guy named Cloud
Strife.)
Isabella: The voices in your head don't count as people.
Jett as Daylaripa: They don't?
(Vonus: ::laughs:: Cloud, what a name for a guy that saved the world.)
Jett: Better than Squall.
Juan: Or Jett.
Jett: Quiet you.
(::Daylaripa nearly falls over laughing::
::5 minutes pass::)
Juan begins to hum the Jeopardy theme.
(Vonus: Hey fool, do you want to give our cover away.
Daylaripa: ::laughs:: No ::laughs again::
Vonus: Then stopping laughing.)
Jett: Another fine graduate of the Ted Woolsey school of translation.
(Daylaripa: Ok, all right, still you have to admit that was funny.
Vonus: I hope you find it funny, after Maldagin impales us, because we have to
get back to work ASAP::)
Isabella: Actually that would be quite funny.
Jett: Plus it would end the story.
(Daylaripa: Hey, I also heard something about a meeting that's going to happen
in the old Shinra building in about an hour, want to go check it out?
Vonus: That meeting could reveal important information about our mission, let's
move out.)
Juan: Hey she stole Cid's line!
(Daylaripa: How are we going to getting there in time.
Vonus: According to this map, I found there's a monorail station, not far from
here, that goes into the Shinra building.)
Isabella: How convenient.
(Daylaripa: How far is it?
Vonus: About 3 blocks.
Daylaripa: Crud.)
Jett: Yep, I was right about this being translated by Saban.
(::Vonus and Daylaripa leave in the direction of the monorail station::
:: 6 minutes later the two arrive inside the station::
::A train pulls in out station, a few seconds after Vonus and Daylaripa
arrive::)
Juan: Train goes in, train goes out, train goes in, train goes out...
Jett: Ok, that's enough.
(::Vonus walks up to the ticket window::
Vonus: Two tickets to the Shinra building, please.
Seller: That will be 5,000 gil, wait you don't work for Shinra.
Vonus: Will that be a problem?)
Jett: Only if you have Midgarian Express.
(Seller: Sorry all non-employess traveling to the Shinra buliding, must have
permission from Reeve.)
Isabella: Employees don't have too much of a problem, because they're all dead.
(::Vonus walks back to where Daylaripa is standing::
Vonus: We have two problems, first we don't have any money, second we need a
way to get permission from this Reeve guy.
::The doors to the train open and a huge mob of people come out::)
Isabella: Hopefully it's the Turks.
(::Among the group are Cloud Strife and Cid Highwind::
::A little kid walks up to Cloud::
Kid: Mr.Strife can I have your autograph?)
Juan as Cloud : Yeah for 10,000 gil kid.
Isabella as Kid: Stupid stuck-up world saviors.
(Vonus: Hey Dalarippa, is that the same guy you heard about earlier?
Daylaripa: Yeah, I think so.
Vonus: He stepped off the private train which means he has acess to the Shinra
building.)
Jett: You're not fully clean until your Acess fully clean!
(Daylaripa: Vonus, That Strife man sort of looks like you.)
Juan: In drag or out of drag?
Jett: Either way it's scary.
(Vonus: Your point being?
Daylaripa: We could mug him and take his clothes and ID.
Vonus: Ok, but how are you going to get on the train.)
Isabella: With a ticket maybe?
(Daylaripa: That other guy, he's standing next to, kinda looks like me.
Vonus:Well let's get them.
Daylaripa: What do you mean by get them.)
Juan: No. you have to put more emotion into it like this, GET THEM!
(::Vonus whispers "Mug Them" into Daylaripa's ear::)
Jett as Daylaripa: I left my Steal materia at home though!
(::Meanwhile Cloud and Cid are talking::
Cid: I need to ##$%! smoke bad.)
Jett: I haven't gotten the Cancerlung enemy skill yet.
(::The ticket seller overheards Cid::)
Juan: Hey look there's Cid Fabool, and T.G. Cid, and Cid Kramer.
(Seller: No smoking in the station sir.
Cid: Fine, you $#@@#! I'll go outside.
Cloud: I'll go look for Tifa, she is suppose to meet us here.)
Juan: Or was that the Honeybee Inn?
(::Back to Vonus and Daylaripa::)
Jett: Better known as dumb and dumber.
(Vonus: Those guys are armed, maybe we shouldn't try to rob them after all
Daylaripa:Then how we will get the Shinra building.
Vonus: We could also hide on top of the monorail.
Daylaripa: If this was a normal everyday train I would say yes, but that
monorail can go more than 200 miles per hour.)
Juan: Yet it glides as swiftly as a cloud.
Isabella: Right into the Lifestream.
Juan: Feeling dark?
Isabella: I always am.
(Vonus: Fine, we'll steal from them.
::Vonus follows Cloud, and Daylaripa follows Cid::
Cloud: Where could Tifa be at.)
Juan: In lemon fics making out with Aeris.
(::Vonus walks up to Cloud::
::Vonus sticks a knife in Cloud's face::)
Isabella: Shouldn't that have been one line?
(Vonus: Give me your cash and clothes, Strife or else . . .
::Cloud draws the Buster Sword from his back::)
Jett: Looks like someone already mugged Cloud and took the Ultima Weapon.
(Cloud: I would stop you normally, but I have more imporant things to deal with.
::Cloud removes the knife from Vonus's hand and tosses it to the ground::
::A voice over an intercom yells " The train will be departing in 2 minutes::)
Isabella: The other quotation mark won't be departing though.
(::Cloud walks over to the ticket window and hands the seller his ID and his
money::
::Cloud steps aboard the monorail::
Vonus: I hope Daylaripa had better luck with the other one.)
Juan: I don't think Cid swings that way.
(::Meanwhile Cid, after hearing the warning walks back into the station::
Cid: Stupid $#@#! me, I forgot to bring some cigs before I left.
While Cid is complaning, Daylaripa manages to sneak behind him and swipes Cid's
wallet::)
Isabella: Don't you just love public transportation?
(::Daylaripa quickly puts the wallet in his pocket, before anyone can notice::
::Cid decided that better get on the monorail, since he couldn't afford to
miss the meeting::
::Cid showed the ticket seller his ID and got on the train::
::Vonus sees this and walks over to the ticket window::)
Jett: Go for it, Connect 4!
(Vonus: How come, he can get on the train without paying.
Seller: Cid gave me his money a few days ago.
Vonus: Oh.)
Isabella: How come she doesn't just rob the vendor?
(::Vonus walks over to Daylaripa::
Vonus: I see you failed.
Daylaripa: Yeah, but I got his wallet at least.
::Vonus walks back up to the ticket seller::)
Jett: This story loops more then a Mobius strip.
(Vonus: Is there any other way to the Shinra building.
Ticket Seller: Shinra built the monorail track a few years after Sector 7 blew
up, trust me it's the only way to the Shinra building from here.)
Isabella: Talk about a fatal design flaw.
The end of Part 1
Jett: Thank Omit!
Juan: There's 15 more parts to this story.
Jett: Do we have to MST the entire story?
Isabella: I hope not.
Jett: Let's get out of here while we still can!
The three run out of the theater as fast as possible.
Episode 1 fin.
Daylaripa: Vonus, That Strife man sort of looks like you.
Juan: In drag or out of drag?
Jett: Either way it's scary.